This week, I have decided to talk about grooming. And what is there to groom on a bastard but his beard. Let's be honest; the greatest people who have ever lived had beards. Chuck Norris, Jesus, Chewbacca all had beards. "That clean shaven gentleman over there is quite manly," said no one ever. I read an article lately that stated women find men with heavy stubble more attractive than clean shaven, light stubble, and full bearded men. But this isn't a site for men looking on how to get women. This is a site for Sophisticated Bastards. Whats more sophisticated than well groomed facial hair? Whats more bastard than awe inspiring facial hair? So, with out further ado, let's see some of the most gently basterded (word? who cares) beards there are!

Badass Burnside

Ambrose Burnside was a true Sophisticated Bastard. Soldier, Railroad Tycoon, Inventor, Industrialist, Governor, and Senator! Was it his absolute manliness from his beard that caused his success? No one can say, but probably yes. How can you look at this man and not believe he can get stuff done! Is it any wonder he had this style named after him? If you can't grow it on your head, swing for the fences on your face.

The Biker

The Biker mustache aka The Horseshoe. Personally, my favorite mustache which means I will never be able to grow it. This mustache takes commitment. Every time you eat a sandwich you'll be contending with your 'stache for food rights. But do you think Hulk Hogan, James Hetfield, or Joe Namath would care? Sam Elliot doesn't care...and neither should you. Sarsaparillas all around!

Magnum Mustache

Do I have to explain this one? Oh wait, thats what I'm getting paid for. Wait, what? I'm not getting paid? *sigh. If there was one man in the 80's who symbolized manliness and defined a decade of mustaches, it was Tom Sellek. Women wanted to be with him, and men wanted to be with his facial hair. This style has been very popular with highway patrolmen...it might be required for the uniform.

The Klingon

If you want a truly unique man scape, go with the klingon. How does it get manlier than emulating an entire race of warriors who fight with giant bladed weapons and drink "blood wine." Go with the full beard or goatee style and be the talk of every Trek convention around...that doesnt sound too manly. But hey, maybe you can meet a nice green girl.

As I close I'm going to give you a few tips for facial hair:

1. Your hair on your head and the hair on your face can come in different colors. Remember your head is your boy hair, and your face is your man hair.

2. You're going to get gray hairs in your beard. Don't freak out! And don't use a beard dye. Otherwise your beard will not look uniform in color.

3. Shampoo and Condition! Rinse and Repeat!

4. Be creative and have fun...it will always grow back.


Well, that's all for now, but have no fear. We still have plenty of beards left...

For my first post, I was requested to go over some hats. I love hats, especially late 1800's early 1900s headwear. I am going to go over some of the more modest style hats popular during that era! So first up

The Derby was an english invention in the 1840s. In England, a Derby is called a Bowler, but they are the same thing. These hats were quite popular with the working class and eventually the middle class businessmen. Contrary to popular belief, the Derby was the most popular hat in the American West. So much so that Lucius Beebe coined it, "The hat that won the West." Several western icons wore this hat including Bat Masterson, Butch Cassidy (below), and Billy the Kid.

Our next hat is one of my favorites, The Homberg (also spelled Homburg). It is simply a bowler hat with a center dent. The dent, however, adds a lot to the hat in terms of individual style. It became popular after Edward VII visited Bad Homburg in Germany. Since then, it became a staple of fine fashion during that era. Almost every gentleman during that time would own a Homberg for formal events.  Brad Pitt's character Jesse James wore a Homburg in the underrated film The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford.

The final hat in our trilogy of tops brings to mind the Pioneering heart of the American West. The Stetson Open Road. The crown crease of the Open Road is your standard cowboy crease of today. Its called the Cattleman crease. This was a common crease at the turn of the century but it was usually the result of heavy handling and use. The Open Road unlike many cowboy hats today has a shorter brim: 2 3/4". This hat has been dubbed the Gentleman's Stetson and with good reason. It was the favorite hat of  President Lyndon Johnson among others. It is also popular with Texas law enforcement agencies.

Gentleman, until next time when I bring you more information about the sophisticated styles of yesteryear.